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Who Will I Become If I Stay Awake?

The past few months have been like a blur.

For the whole entire world.

I dived into ‘doing’ mode.

That is often an Enneagram Nine’s mode.

The issue is .. is it the right doing.

i am not convinced all of mine was the ‘right doing.

I would call second quarter of 2020 ‘survival mode’ where the I lost me, as I was discovering the new pathway.

So, on the threshold of the third quarter of 2020 as I look with intention every 90 days at my life, I knew we were coming out of survival.. and into something different

So I wrote a poem as a milestone moment that captured the second quarter of 2020.

And I would love to hear if you lost you, or found you throughout this pandemic.

There is no ‘right way’ to have done the craziness of the last few months.

Thats the beautiful thing about new mornings, new months and new seasons.

There is power in pausing, reflecting, asking, reviewing and realigning.


July 2020

She lost herself to the Covid quarter of 2020.
She fell asleep so that she could serve others,
Without having to truly feel what the world was feeling.
She busied herself away from
The confusion
The anxiety
The invitation
She knew it was wilderness,
But she didn’t want to feel the wildness.
Running ceased
Writing ceased
Stretching ceased
Mindfulness ceased
Everything that invites her to stay awake was on pause.
The beckoning didn’t pause
The nudge will never pause
The invitation will always remain.
Today she was found.
Found in the open page
The blank lines
The new pathway
The awakening
The showing up.
Her soul cannot survive when it is asleep.
It needs to ask questions.
Of the pain,
Of the fear,
Of the exhaustion.
The questions are big.
Why does this feel like more than just a few months of chaos?
Why does this feel life transforming?
How could this change everything, forever?
Who will I become if I stay awake?

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