Today I shared the platform with my husband of 20 years. We talked about marriage and family today. We said our marriage is far from perfect but the healthiest it has been.
We said that working alongside one another is a blessing and a challenge for your marriage. It’s not the norm for most marriages. And pioneering again these past five years and most of our work happening from our home has also had it’s huge challenges. But we have survived these five years pioneering and the season is changing.
We are focussed on the next decade of our love, our life and our leadership, with clearer vision than ever.
Of course today, we will both want as much air-time as the other. We were already texting back and forth about it, as he was somewhere else preparing early this morning.
That might have been the biggest challenge to our marriage that we have begun to identify... we both love talking and are learning now active listening more than ever before.
I think active listening is such an incredible tool for intimacy and connection in any relationship. When my last post received so much feedback and I had so many people ask me much more personal questions around their sex life, I would respond to most of them by asking ‘when was the last time you asked your spouse the question ..
What do I do that makes you feel safe, valued, honoured and affirmed? And if it’s discussion on your sexual intimacy, then you can add ‘and what do I that makes you feel fulfilled sexually?’
And what do I do that makes you feel dishonoured, under valued, unloved or unsafe? Or for the ‘pillow talk’ ... you can ask ‘what would you like me to begin doing or stop doing in our love making?’
It surprises me how many people never have these kind of courageous conversations in their marriage.
In my coaching and pastoring, I am convinced communication is the key to relational health and wholeness.
One of the key revelations from this woman in Song of Songs is her sense of wide-eyed wonder at her lover. There is honour and affirmation all around. She senses His desire to connect. To be intimate.
Andrew said today that we live in a sex-crazed world, but we have an intimacy-starved world. So let’s see what Scripture has to show us.
Song of Songs 4:1
Look! Listen! There's my lover! Do you see him coming? Vaulting the mountains, leaping the hills. My lover is like a gazelle, graceful; like a young stag, virile (able to reproduce) Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate, all ears, all eyes—ready! My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me!
The Passion Translation says:
Listen! I hear my lover’s voice. I know it’s him coming to me— leaping with joy over mountains, skipping in love over the hills that separate us, to come to me.
This is the key to life-giving, honouring communication that results in connection.
‘so what I am hearing you say is ..
‘have I understood you correctly..
This is still a rare gift that we can give people in our lives.
And it’s what the Lover of Your Soul is saying to you. I am all eyes. I am all ears. I am speaking and I want you to hear and see what I am saying. I want you to understand my heart and affection for you.
Why don’t you visualize tomorrow in your devotional time with Jesus, Him .. leaping over any mountain that you think is separating you from Him. He is ready to speak and love and pour in.
Receive in this way FIRST
Then pour out that same posture to other humans.
I am all eyes.
I am all ears.
I am here.
Give the gift of YOU!