The Week After Baby Loss Day - How Am I and How Are You?



It has been a week now since I hosted the four virtual reflection events on International Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day (World Baby Loss Day), and essentially, soft launched the Known Movement.

The problem with one day a year set aside to make people aware of this type of loss, is that we then go about our daily lives after this day and often forget that EVERY DAY, this type of loss needs to be acknowledged.


Hundreds of thousands of people lose babies per year to pregnancy loss. Often being so early on in pregnancy there is no funeral and no words spoken by others to acknowledge the pain, devastation, grief and empty hands heading home from hospitals and doctors appointments.

Men and women alike suffer. Grandparents suffer. Other siblings suffer. And it was these stories I heard last week once again, multiplied.


I offer Grief Coaching to process this kind of loss, whether it has been recent or many years ago. One client of mine has been walking out the loss of her baby who was born prematurely and survived three days. This was 16 years ago and we journeyed the last few months together, where now she can share her daughters name and make her known to many who just didn’t acknowledge her existence for fear of saying the ‘wrong thing’.


She is just so grateful Lily can be known, and she can be known.

And this was the running theme throughout the Reflection Times. This feeling of being known is not just for our babies either, it’s for us, still alive and navigating the layers to this grief.


For Andrew and my family, it’s been 11 years since we lost Anastasia Zoe when I gave birth to her at 22 weeks pregnant. And this year I found myself coaching and experiencing new depths to this loss. In good and right ways.


Then I felt so strongly to step into this Reflection Space, as I had done for years in Australia. But never online. I knew it was time to launch this Known Movement, but I genuinely didn’t know who would come on the journey with me.


So when a beautiful friend, local here to Montreal, offered to write a song for the day, using the story of Anastasia, I was undone.


For those who were part of that particular reflection event, she played it and I hadn’t even fully heard it until that very moment (I hadn’t been able to bring myself to listen yet). You can actually rewatch the event here on Facebook here https://www.facebook.com/VanessaHoyes.Coaching/videos/352899465797115/


But in that moment I felt like Anastasia was known, and we (me and my family) were known.


It was one of the most sacred moments of the day and the last decade journeying this loss.


My passion is even deeper now, than ever before, to create a space where people’s journeys are acknowledged the moment they are ready. And that acknowledgement supports their bereavement journey through loss and all the stages of grief, right through into the new normal for life without this baby. Every person impacted by this loss needs to be known. Their pain, confusion, hopes, and questions.


This is my ‘why’ for launching The Known Movement and creating pathways for recovery through Pregnancy Loss.


Last week something in my own story was awakened, and now I am committed to co-journeying in this space with others. You can learn more about the Known Course and Movement here at www.vanessahoyes.com


Thank you for your love, your support, your sharing of these resources and your own courage as you contend with the mystery of this type of loss, for yourselves or for those around you. Please let me know if I can be of help in anyway.

You are known and loved.


Vanessa





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