My Bald Head, Unyieldedness and Love
I am one of the most stubborn, unyielding people that you will ever meet. It will come as a surprise to many (and not so to others!)
When I was young I would, on purpose, do whatever I could to defy the norms. I rebelled against any stereotype or box that I felt forming around me.
So when I shaved my head to prove to people that you did not need hair to be feminine, I shocked everyone around me. I had college professors try and show me in the scriptures where I was rebelling against God; I had pastors try and tell me that perception would limit me; and boys in my world try and explain to me that there must have been some deeply seeded dysfunction that was in my heart that would cause me to do this….. and I dug my feet in deeper and went back to that barber again and again.
For two years.
Then I began to read this book of the Bible.
Like an apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved [shepherd] among the sons [cried the girl]! Under his shadow I delighted to sit, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love [for love waved as a protecting and comforting banner over my head when I was near him].
Song of Songs 2:3
It was an invitation to view beauty with a new perspective.
Love as a ‘protecting banner’ no longer felt diminishing or repressive, or restricting, or boundary-defining. It felt more like a welcoming to where I could find belonging.
The banner felt like a safe place for my dangerous dreams.
Like His 'yes' and 'no' had my best interest and kingdom come at stake.
The boundaries felt like guard rails to hold and secure me.
The transformation of my heart did express itself in my physical appearance. Yes I did grow my hair (tell me those who have shaved their head how awful it is to grow that thing out). But I will never forget it was these scriptures woo-ing me. Inviting me to see my physical appearance as important for all the RIGHT reasons.
The body a temple of Holy Spirit.
The excellence with which we present ourselves as complimentary to what is going on on the inside. But trust me ... I still LOVE a bold woman who pulls off baldness. It can look incredible. So do what you absolutely would like to do. .
The invitation was to feminine strength, not to a look and feel.
For me though, it was to a coming out of hiding of all those uncomfortable parts of my emerging womanhood.
It took time. It was an evolution.
It is still an evolution. It is still a choice to not want to rebel against the often exhausting expectations of our womanhood. But my heart says ‘pick your battles, embrace the season and know your motives’.
I now have dear friends in my world who are shaving their hair off as they embark on the battle of cancer and the treatments that will cause them to lose their hair. They have courageously and pre-emptively shaved it all off.
They look STUNNING.
They are my heroes.
Isn’t every one of our journeys just so unique and so perfectly ours?
I now see His banner over me of love as the only true, real and eternal reason to yield.
Listen and see what aspect of transformation He invites you into.