I am 44 years old. I really cannot wait to be 45. That feels about half-way to me. I am an Enneagram Nine and therefore my orientation to time is often in the past. Whilst processing the past, I then can focus on the future. The missing link in my particular processing is the present. I can look present, I can even look effective in my present. But I am often not truly showing up.
This is where the spiritual practices of contemplation have helped me lately. Breathing, being, belonging to where I am right in the moment.
Classic of many females I know, this girl in Song of Songs cannot accept love well. She begins telling her surrounding Sisterhood ... I am so unworthy, so in need...
1:5 Jerusalem maidens, in this twilight darkness I know I am so unworthy—so in need.
Then out from the shadows of this darkness comes a voice to disrupt her default.
Yet you are so lovely!
Then she dives deeper into all the disqualifies her
I feel as dark and dry as the desert tents of the wandering nomads.