Today I chose to sabbath. Not that I paused from all my work, I just attended to different work, and I did breathe and practice contemplative prayer and run, and take a day-time bath, read and stay in my PJs until 2pm (well run and then get back in them).
I am discovering that the older I get the more my replenishing comes from getting basics done in a pace that doesn’t feel like I am striving.
Today‘s walk/run (I say that because I am doing a long term couch to marathon type thing ... maybe... but it’s a good strategy to start!) was COLD. So you set this run timer and you go two minutes run, then two minutes walk and so on. On my weather app it said minus 5 but felt like minus 12 degrees! My legs were frozen. The ground was slippery (check out my insta stories or maybe just check out below and ignore my left over makeup ..)
So I haven’t shared alot about any other biblical characters that have inspired my boldness, but in the same lineage as the daughters is actually Abraham and Sarah (remember I referenced them regarding the AH on their names?).
Right now, on this boldness journey I have actually been really challenged in what parts of me want to be Sarai who forces Abram to try and get what God promised them in their own strength (Genesis 16:2) as opposed to Sarah who has future promised to her that if she trusts in the Lord will produce laughter (Genesis 18).
Every time I go to open my mouth to say what I want or what I am believing for I feel so challenged to stay quiet because I am not sure if I am taking the easy route or it really is the path to promise.
That is one of the very real challenges with boldness. What is boldness based on a promise? Or what is boldness because you just don’t want to walk the narrow road so you ask for the easy way out?
So this question enters my mind every day of this journey. In contemplative prayer I am surrendering again in silence all these hopes and dreams. At the same time the Enneagram work I am doing as a 9 who doesn’t always access feelings well, would be encouraging me to feel and articulate those feelings. But what’s feelings, and what is truth, and what is discernment, and what is promise, and what is compromise and good but not great?
I watch too many people settle in a place or with a person that is so obviously just because they were too impatient to keep waiting.
And it is destructive to the purposes of God in their life. This unfortunately though is usually when they stop asking for wisdom and counsel on their world. And the boldness just leads to compromise. Read on about what Ishmael produced in his future and just see.
Anyway, rant over...
So back to my run. I am thinking about future and being 60 and 70 and my children and their future. Essentially legacy. At the same time I am listening to Enneagram Nine people talk about calling and discernment. And out of the blue they begin talking about Abraham’s journey. And his sacred steps one in front of the other (Genesis 12) where he journeyed on in stages, right foot, left foot and the cost of that faithful obedience). And I can’t tell you what happened in me on that run this morning except that I burst into tears, snow pouring onto my head, the tears start to feel like they are freezing on my face, and I just ran and wept!
I think the emotion was that I felt known. Seen. Heard. Understood. That God would be telling me that He is with me in the bold steps, even when this time around in the journey, I am not asking specifics, I am just asking for more of Him. He wanted me to know today, that yes I am them right now. We are Abraham and Sarah. He was showing me I won’t make decisions of compromise and convenience and comfort and that He trusts me to just keep walking one step at a time even though I don’t always know where that is heading.
And I think He wants some of you to know that too. This boldness journey was so clearly not to be a striving or even this intense directive, pursuit. It was, and is, a journey.
You are heard, seen, known, trusted and loved. Even in your wildest, most barren winter. Don't stop. Journey in stages. That’s all that is required. One step in front of the other.
Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. It has been so special and writing it out loud, although vulnerable, has been powerful.