I have many annoying traits relationally. Teenagers are always happy to point them out! The more I study the Enneagram and coach people with tools that lead to transformation for their types, the more I see that my relational traits are very typical of NINES.
(If you want anymore information on Enneagram, stay tuned for some podcasts coming your way soon).
So one of the things I catch myself doing all the time is NOT finishing my sentences out loud. Or beginnning a sentence in my head and then finishing it out loud (as if the person listening should have heard the first half). Do I have any witnesses to this?? Ummm.... yes I am sure every single person in my world would say YES they know I do this.
It is like I fall asleep half way through my sentence. Now that I am teaching my oldest daughter to drive, it is driving her (see what I did there) crazy. Quite honestly, it is dangerous when I am telling her where to turn and then do not finish my sentence. Can you just imagine??
This woman in Song of Songs is amazing, she just knows what she wants and she doesn’t hint at it and she doesn’t manipulate. She does not finish sentences half way through. She is also about the bullet point to the men in her world and the detail to her girlfriends listening. Or maybe that is too gender sterotypical of me to say.
But have you noticed the different ways that you have to communicate with certain groups of people around you to really get through?
We are unclarified with expectations in relationships as well.
How often do we sit back and just wait for what are those unspoken expectations of other people. We think that if we don’t speak them, people should know them. So this woman says, "This is what I want. I want you to kiss me and I want it to be full on the mouth with kisses of your lips.” It’s very assertive.
Just because she has to ask does not mean that this represents a lack in her life. I think our insecurity as women hold us back from being clear, assertive and specific, because, what if, we get rejected?
You are still loved. Deeply loved.
Yes even the people who can't give you what you want love you.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is be clear. It helps people love you well. Or tell you if they cannot do that.
Is there an area where you have been misunderstood or rejected that you need to ATTEMPT giving your voice to again? Where has insecurity still limited you in love and relationship of all types? Has fear of failure or fear of rejection restricted you?
P.S On the topic of clarity, I still have a few coaching spaces left with the Seeking Clarity workbook from my friend Amanda Viviers. This workbook helps you clarify values, what makes you happy, what you want more of and less of in this year and decade ahaed. It is an incredible resource. It is helping me so much as I clarify the life I want and the type of person I would like to become. The coaching I can do, whilst you work through the workbook, offers another layer of insight and action to the process.
Check out the packages here