Thousands of people experience the pain of pregnancy loss each year and have no way of expressing the deep sense of grief they feel around this loss. They have questions; they often suffer in their mental health with lack of professional help post loss; and more than anything they feel alone in their pain.
This could be you right now!
I want you to know, straight up... it does get better and the pain of your loss integrates into your life in ways that you could possibly not imagine right now. But, I promise, this journey is not something you have to do alone.
This movement that we have pioneered is called The Known Movement because we believe that these stories of loss, either of yours, someone you love, or someone you have witnessed losing their babies, needs to be honoured, acknowledged, processed and healed.
Acknowledge is defined as:
To take notice of
To make known
There are so many diverse reasons for you being here right now on this page; and we acknowledge the breadth of those reasons. The Known Movement supports people who have experienced loss connected to pregnancy in many varied ways
It could be …
relinquishment for adoption
neonatal death, and/or all the hundreds of others ways one in four people experience loss like this.
For some of you this will become resource that you return to again and again as the layers are peeled back. For others you may show this to people as a way of helping them understand your journey. Others will want to help people on their journey.
My name is Vanessa Hoyes, I am married to Andrew and we have four daughters. Indianna Hope, Avalon Jade, Eden Cleopatra and Sahara Justice. I have a Bachelors Degree in Counselling, I am an ordained minister and a practicing Life Coach. I have worked with people in care, coaching and consulting spaces for 25 years. And my greatest passion is seeing people live integrated, whole lives, connecting parts of their life story in a way that moves them forward.
For Andrew and I and our daughters, this journey of pregnancy loss became very personal to us years ago, in March 2009. I was 22 weeks pregnant with our fourth baby and we found out that she had died in my womb. So on March 23rd, 2009 we gave birth to a baby girl. We named her Anastasia Zoe
Today, our immediate family, our extended family and our friends use the International Day of Awareness for Pregnancy Loss (October 15) to acknowledge her life, and still we all find that there are layers to this loss that we journey through.
I have worked with hundreds of individuals, couples and families who have lost children during pregnancy. I do that as a Pastor, Friend and Life Coach, specializing in Grief Coaching for Pregnancy Loss.
Hosting an annual reflection service for all involved in pregnancy and infancy loss was where we learned about the unique space this held for hundreds and hundreds of people. For some that reflection service was an annual event in the life of their family and friends as a memorial to those that they have lost; for others it serves the purpose of a one-off event that brings closure to a chapter in their life. It will be the same with this program.
You can go back to it again and again
Or maybe, as you come through integrating new pathways through your loss and grief, you may then take others on that journey also.
This is why I have designed this program. Because I do not believe there is one way to process loss. I believe that there is a pathway forward, but it looks unique for every individual.
The benefit of this particular course will be found in your ability to come back to it again and again when you see it as necessary. When it comes to dealing with loss there are so many layers and triggers across your life, that you cannot see the processing and healing as static.
This program can be for your personal use or you may want to purchase it to facilitate a group.
These sessions are for your personal or group use and may shed some light on your pathway, however nothing in this content can replace the professional help that you may need to journey through this type of loss. I have a specialised focus in Grief and Loss Coaching, so if you would prefer one to one coaching and support then you can purchase a Coaching Package.
"I ended up in tears writing this but I think In a good way as I’m finally in a place where I can tell people about my baby and I just want to thank you for giving me the space to do this
I wanted to thank you for your support and for giving me the space to process everything over these past few months
'In early October of 2004 I went into labour at just shy of 24 weeks. What I thought were just normal stomach cramps were actually the start of my labour. By the time I reached the hospital I was already in established labour and nearly ready to deliver. My precious baby girl Lily was born at 24 weeks and 3 days on October 4th. She weighed in at a tiny 14oz and was perfect in every way. They told us from the very beginning that Lily was really premature and her lungs were a big issue for her. On day 3 in the early hours we got told our baby girls lungs weren’t improving and that she was in pain. We didn’t want that for her and they gave us our options. We decided on October 7th at 13:43 that Lily had had enough and we chose to turn off her life support. With her in my arms and reading her a story of I love you to the moon and back we had our first cuddles and a few minutes later she took her last breath.
Those moments I’ll never forget but my baby girl has made me strong and the mum I am today. I know one day we’ll be reunited again in eternity and for now I’ll make sure her memory lives on and that she is known"
You may be so overwhelmed in your grief that you do not know where to begin.
Start here.. just with some reading of blogs I have written so that you know that you are not alone.
Your story of pregnancy loss will be so personal and so unique. Too often we scale pregnancy loss according to the length of pregnancy or the generational belief system around loss. But pregnancy loss is legitimate and important to process, no matter what kind of loss you have experienced.
In the deeply personal and unique story, you are also not alone. Male or female, single or couple, family or friends. It matters to all of you. My greatest desire for you is that YOU will be known and your story can be integrated into your life’s journey.
Your next step may be to download the free guide through Grief and Loss so you understand a little more of what you are experiencing currently. You can do that here.
This Loss Assessment will help you see where your grief is impacting you day to day. With it comes some tools to work through the present day pain you may be experiencing.
Or you may be ready for the program or a small group ..
If so then here is your next step: